I miss these guys. I realize that this probably makes my cool points dip into the negative, [1] but I do. So many people I know who used to be fans now proclaim themselves to be "SO over" that period of their lives, and good for them if that's true. Moving on to the next period of your life is almost always a good thing.

It wasn't a period of my life; I have always loved live music and I have always indulged in the things I love to the (sometimes) extreme. For me it's about the joy, and I have a strong suspicion that the joy would still be there. The music�some, not all-- sounds a little hokier and a little sillier with each passing year. But even the hokey-ness still makes me smile, in the same way that the little habits that should make me want to throttle The Boy just make me want to kiss his cheek and go on about my business.

*~*

Moving on to the next part of your life is a choice you have to make all the time. I have tickets for one last Phish show, but for reasons I don�t want to go into here, I really can't afford the time to go (it would help if the show were nearby and on a weekend, but of course it's 3 hours away and on a Thursday). I'm sad about that, but not that much above and beyond my sadness over the band splitting up. I'm starting to feel that maybe it's better not to know it's coming. Maybe my last Dead show really was supposed to be the last one. All things considered (who I was with, where I was living, etc), it was probably the best way possible to close that book. If I have to make a choice this time, maybe this is the time to let that book fall closed. My last show was chaotic and joy-filled and had its share of serendipitous moments and annoying ones. Being my first show after the hiatus, this show was better appreciated than most of the ones that came before it, and I spent it with the one person I'd most want to spend a Phish show with. Maybe that's the best possible ending, and I shouldn't push for another one.

Now that I've fully contradicted myself (but not really. I didn't say that I wanted Moxy Fruvous back. Just that I missed them), I think I'll go think about something else.

*~*

But while I'm on the subject of change, change is the very reason for all the radio silence lately. Not just mine even; it seems to be going around. But there are a lot of changes taking shape in my world too, beyond the obvious even. I feel like my family is changing in some hard-to-define way. I feel like my passion for certain things is cooling, while I am stoking some new fires.

I didn't change my name. I'm surprised by how many people are surprised by this. I just don't feel that it has the same significance in the family life that it used to, so for simplicity's sake I am keeping the name I was born with. If we have kids, the kids will have their father's name. But I'll still wear my father's name. And I don't think it's going to make any difference to anyone that matters. If anyone wants to call me Mrs. TheBoy, that's fine and I will answer to it. But legally speaking, no plans to change.

We're looking for a new home, too. We have a really nice townhouse, but we're ready to pull off the training wheels and move to a house with a real yard and enough bedrooms that more than one couple can visit us at a time.

*~*

I am buzzing with the knowledge that this time next week, I will be sitting at the workshop stage waiting for the day to begin.

*~*

[1] they were hovering around zero to being with; this is an associated hazard of getting old and not giving a rat's ass about what's fashionable anymore.